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Dec. 12th, 2009

Hiatus O_o

Guilty as charged. God, I haven't been on here in nearly 2 months. :p You gotta love busy, unpredictable schedules. My writer's block finally reopened and it's put me in a good mood (: Plus I've had lots of time to think, self reflect, and that's always good.

So yeah, not sure of the point of this other than to say I'M BACK. Woot (:

Jul. 20th, 2009

Midnight Maddness?

My sleeping schedule is completely screwed up.


Case in point – the time is currently 2:20 am. Want a recap in my sleep from yesterday? Went to bed at 4, slept until 8:30. Then I took a nap from 4 until 7:30. Rinse, repeat, and you've got a good idea of how my entire summer has been.


Of course, there are plenty of pros to being up now.

1. There's some really funny sketches on Comedy Central.

2. I have an excuse to bum around in pajamas.

3. I seem to write better at later hours, most likely due to the fact that I'm a complete psychotic maniac in the wee hours of the morning.


…unfortunately, those are all I can come up with. Now for the cons:

1. My mom freaks out about me trying to straighten out my sleep which, fyi, DOES NOT WORK.

2. Though I'm rather loopy, I can't be as loud and/or obnoxious as I'd like without waking someone up.

3. The parental unit took my cell phone at eleven to cut me off from the natural world.

4. Three words: Pot-Smoking Neighbor. He has all of his druggie buddies over really late and it freaks me out that we're going to get robbed or some shit.


At three to four, I declare Cons to be the winner!


Yeah, case in point, I need to get a freaking hobby. I'm sort of spent on the actual story writing front right now. And I'd attempt to write a song or work on some poetry, but having listened to Girl Anachronism on loop earlier, I can't think of any lyrics other than "It was accidentally on purpose".


And on that note, I think I'm going to bury my head in my pillow and hope I get so exhausted that I pass out because God knows I won't be able to get to sleep on my own. Cheers,


-Jacqueline Nicole<3

Jul. 19th, 2009

Never Again

This is a story I wrote for a writing competition called Power of the Pen. Basically they give you a topic and you have 40 minutes to write about it. The topic I got was "The room: describe it and its pleasant or unpleasant memories." It's not the most amazing thing I've ever written, but it got Best of Round, so I hope you like it too (:




I will never forget that room. Vomit-colored carpet, beige walls, hard plastic folding chairs. On the wood coffee table were a stack of pamphlets and a TIME magazine from April of the year before. The wrinkly old later that sat behind the desk smacked her gum and wound long gray strands of hair around her finger. Every couple of minutes she’d glance up at me, pop her gum. Once she asked me if I was alright, and she called me “Sugar.” The only person in the room was a pregnant woman with rosy cheeks, watching the Ellen DeGeneres show on the grainy TV set in the corner. There was a heavy smell of coffee and peppermint in the air. With every passing minute on the digital clock over the door, the room shrunk an inch. Or, at least, that’s what it seemed like to me. I felt almost suffocated, praying for the best but fearing the worst.

I don’t know how long I sat there, listening to the smack of reception lady’s gum, the dull hum of her computer, Ellen’s friendly voice interviewing some foreign actor in the blockbuster film of that season. Mt heartbeat made a dull thud in my ears. I’m sure it was only half to three-quarters of an hour, but anxiety had taken over. It felt longer. Much, much longer.

I have never been one to enjoy waiting. But this… my fault. Entirely, wholly my fault. Stupid choices, bad judgment, or just plain being a young man and damning myself into this harsh reality. I wasn’t a kid anymore.

These and other thoughts overtook me as I sat there, wasting away to a local news bulletin and the squeak of a door. I looked up expectantly, but it was a nurse asking for Delia Reed. The pregnant woman stood up and followed the nurse through the door, which shut with a harsh snap, leaving me alone again.

Stupid, stupid, stupid. Sure, it hadn’t seemed that way at the time. Right at that moment, it almost seemed like a good idea. No, not good – great! But of course, I hadn’t taken a second to consider the consequences of my actions.

“You want a coffee?” the receptionist asked, breaking me out of my reverie. I shook my head no, and she shrugged and blew a neon pink bubble. What had I gotten myself into?

Right then, Samantha had come back finally, grinning, and I sighed with relief. “I’m not pregnant,” she said proudly, and I stood up and gave her a quick hug.

We’d left right after that; I don’t remember much of the details, just a relief from the heavy weight on my shoulders. The only thing I remember distinctly is something I told Samantha that evening.

“Let’s not do that again. Please.”

As much as I felt like I loved her, I was 16. Too young to be a father yet. And I never, ever, ever wanted to have to wait in that room again.

Hello, Goodbye.

I'm new to the blogging circuit, so hola amigos. *waves*


My intention isn't to bore you with useless banter about my life because unless you know me, a lot of what I write might not make sense. Really, whether you know me or not, a lengthy description of my life would probably bore you to tears. So I apologize in advance. Personally, I don't see the point in reading my blogs… but then again I doubt anyone wants to hear what I have to say. I'm not exactly the most entertaining person in the world, and you probably won't understand my humor.


So, how to describe myself? I need to just get this written and have it done. Though, honestly, I can't think of what the hell to write. I don't know if I can put myself into words – especially words you would feel like reading.


To start out with me – I'm different. Woo, individuality. I'm not going to go on huge rants about how I'm SO unique, random, fun, blah blah blah. Nobody wants to hear that shit. But I'm a very open person. I've got a nurturing personality, I put other people before myself. I wear my heart on my sleeve, I put it all out there on the table. I have nothing to hide. I think that bothers some people, that I'm so up front, but I don't want to be deceived so I don't deceive.


I hate getting super-close to people because past experience shows when I do, they'll leave eventually. Not only friends, but family, and lovers. A lot of my friendships just don't seem to last, for whatever reason. The only family member I was ever close to, my great-Grandma Gigandet, died when I was five, and that was the worst day of my life – it's awful, but it's caused me to shy away from close family relationships. I've had my heart broken by girls and guys alike – yeah, I do swing both ways, so I guess that makes me bi? I'd rather not label myself.  

That speaks a little about me, but how else can I really sum myself up? How about some classic "about me" topics…


I could list the name of my every single friend with lots of <3s and "they complete me!!!", but even if you knew every one of them you wouldn't understand how much they mean to me. I don't have a lot of friends, but it's not about quantity, it's about quality. We all act like complete idiots when we get ourselves wound up – especially while under the influence of Pepsi or pancakes. Or sometimes we lay in the dark for four hours and talk about life and our goals and our fears. Or we go to the park and sit on the swings and scream profanities at the sky because we can, and because it sounds cool when it echoes across town. Or we shove seven people in a five-seat car and drive to Dayton because we just can, thankyouverymuch.


I could tell you about my most favorite, life-changing bands. I could talk about the concerts I've been to, the friends I've gone with, the memories (though, really, it's a short list. And I can't exactly describe the Gwen Stefani show as life-changing). Maybe I could gush about my favorite musicians and how hot they are and how I write fan fiction playing out fantasies with them. But I won't because I don't really do that anymore. I've gone through stints but I'd rather not waste my time on a fake life, I've got my real life to live.

 The truth is, my "favorite" bands change about every week, based on how much I've listened to them recently and how little or lot they rate on the annoyingness factor. Trust me, even my favorite bands get hard to listen to after awhile. All I can say for sure is I love music in general, and I'll never get sick of marching band. (Yes, I'm a band weenie.)


I could talk about my favorite books and maybe say that I'm a Twilight fan and I love Taylor Lautner… Or I could GAG MYSELF WITH A SPOON and talk about some real literature because I'm tired of crap writers like Stephanie Meyer getting so much attention for having no writing ability. I probably spelled her name wrong, sue me. Anyway…

I really like Harry Potter. I'm a bit obsessive with that, I will admit. I also like the Shadow Children series, Speak, and Just Listen. Those are the all-time faves. I'll also read books by Stephen King because he's a genius. Otherwise, I randomly browse in the romances because those are the only other books that hold my attention. Right now I'm reading Watchmen, borrowed from one of my friends. It's pretty good so far.


As for movies, I'm not much of a movie watcher, to be honest. Name a slightly obscure movie and I've probably never heard of it. I watch stuff like Harry Potter, Monty Python and the Holy Grail, Pirates of the Caribbean, Sweeney Todd, The Taking of Pelham 123, Transformers, The Breakfast Club, Music and Lyrics, etc.


That's all I can really think of at the moment. Hopefully that sums me up alright. For those of you who just wasted your time reading this, if you'd like to know more, just ask. That's all (:


-Jacqueline Nicole<3

December 2009



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